American Dream/Desi Consulting

As the air hostess handed over the immigration forms, Rajat felt a daze from the blood rushing to his head. His dream was coming true, at last.

Ever since he had gotten into engineering and heard all those stories of Indians going to America to live out their american dream, he had had only one goal in life.

Rajat wanted to live in America. He wanted to bathe in american water. He wanted to eat american eggs and drink american milk. He wanted to work in America.

He got that golden chance two years into his job with one of the leading consulting firms. Once he lost out on that onsite opportunity, there was only one way out.

Rajat found a consultant who would file for his H1 visa. Once that came through, he would go to the US, and be assigned to work on a project for some fortune 500 client.

This was too good to be true. He paid $2000 towards the visa filing fee, and another $2000 as a deposit to the consultant, just as security that he wouldn’t chuck the consultant as soon as he landed on the hallowed shores.

Luck was on Rajat’s side. He got the visa.

With bravado unusual for him, he bragged about his plans to friends and colleagues, and virtually spit in the face of his supervisor while resigning his job.

He didn’t mind burning this bridge. He was never coming back.

You and your stupid Indian consulting business. I am a big game player now. I have wasted enough time working with morons. This is going to be the big break i need and deserve.

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Filed under: American Dream, Desi, Humour, India, Stories, Thoughts, sarcasm, satire , American Dream, consulting industry, indian, indians in america, Short Stories

Pranab Mukherjee – True Son of India

Pranab Mukherjee is a great son of India who has had a long and distinguished political career. Ever since his accidental inclusion in the union cabinet to achieve an auspicious count of ministers way back in 1973, he has worked tirelessly towards making India a better place to live.

But after all these years of service to the nation, maybe it is time for him to take a break. He isnt getting younger and watching him suffer from the burden of his brilliance makes us feel bad for him. And for poor mother India.

After Sardar Patel, he is the new Iron Man of India. Check out the strong words as the external affairs minister urging Pakistan to act on evidence shared by the FBI. No mention of the evidence supplied by Indian agencies. What humility by this great man!

“We have been told the FBI has strong evidence which they have shared with Pakistan. They (the Pakistani government) should act on that evidence and hand over the perpetrators of Mumbai to us,” the minister said.[link]

Mr Mukherjee’s contribution to Indian society is laudable. It is thanks to his efforts that the country is as peaceful and united as it is. He remains committed to maintaining the secular fabric of Indian society and continued communal harmony in the nation. Speaking at a recent program to mark 200 years of the Bengali translation of the Quran in Kolkata, here’s what he had to say.

“Not only is this expression Islamic terrorism unacceptable, there should be protest against it.[link]

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, India, News, politics, sarcasm , congress, external minister, general elections, India, indian politics, parliament, pranab mukherjee, Rahul Gandhi, Sonia Gandhi

H4 Wives

Asha got off the Continental Boeing 747 with a constipated stomach and a flutter in her heart. She had just crossed the proverbial seven seas over a fifteen hour non stop flight from New Delhi.

She was in America.

The past two weeks had been a whirlwind. She had met Ravi on 20th Nov, and ten days later they were husband and wife.

Ravi was a strapping 30 year old vice president at Goldman Sachs. He had been lapped up from NYU’s Stern school where he had been among the top performers in his MBA class. He had managed to hold off his mother’s insistence for the past few years, but now that he had gotten the promotion he so desperately wanted, there was no stopping her.

All he had to do was take a picture with his Lexus in clean clothes and send to his tech savvy mom. She set up his profile on Shaadi.com and set about finding a suitable match for her son. A shortlist of 25 was prepared and Ravi was summoned to headquarters in Mumbai.

Of all the doctors, engineers, and finance types that his mom had shortlisted Ravi liked Asha most. They got married a week later. There was no time for a honeymoon in a two week leave.

The newly weds were in New york.

Asha used to teach math to high schoolers back in Mumbai. She would have to find work once she was in America. Alas, she didn’t know jack about the visa and related vagaries involved in living the American dream. Ravi was still a few years from getting his green card, and as his dependent, she was in the US on an H4 visa.

She was not allowed to work. Not for money. Not legally, at least.

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Filed under: American Dream, Desi, India, Stories, Thoughts , Desi, h4 visa, immigration, immigration problems, indian, uscis, visa

VP Singh is No More

In the midst of all the news surrounding the Mumbai blasts, one important event got sidelined. The death of  Vishwanath Pratap Singh, former prime minister of India.

Adopted by the Maharaja of Manda at the age of five, VP Singh went on to become the Chief minister of Uttar Pradesh. As CM he gave away land to the poor as part of Vinoba Bhave’s Bhoodan movement and led a ruthless campaign against bandits.

VP Singh had a checkered political career of a mere seven years on the national stage.

In 1984 Rajiv Gandhi appointed him his finance minister. During the Bofors scandal, he was about to disclose the names of middlemen which led to a fallout with the then ruling Gandhi. He was dismissed from the cabinet and resigned from the parliament.

In the 1989 elections, the BJP and the left combined against the Congress and VP Singh became Prime Minister of India.
He was there when Mufti Mohammad Sayeed’s daughter Rubaiya was kidnapped, and exchanged for five of the most wanted terrorists India had managed to nab. His role lasted all of one year, before the BJP pulled the rug from under the government following the Babri masjid demolition and the ensuing events.

But these are not the reasons why he will be remembered forever.

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, News , India, Kashmir, mandal commission, mufti mohammad sayeed, reservation, rubaiya sayeed, Terrorism, vp singh

Terrorists’ Best Friends – News Channels

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Till a few years back, here’s how terrorists operated. They picked a target, decided whether they want to bomb or shoot, implement the plan and kill a bunch of people, and soon the world would get to know about it. There would be news for a few days and then people would move on.

With the advent of modern news channels, things have changed.

Now the terrorists’ job has become easier, thanks to 24 hour live coverage on TV. Now they need to begin their attack, and wait till media persons arrive. Then they start playing to the media.

Earlier their actions affected a few hundred, maybe a few thousand people, but now millions of people can watch in real time all the gruesome details, and the message is spread far and wide. As much as we appreciate information sharing, this is one arena where too much information is counter productive. Not only is the terror message delivered far and wide, and repeatedly, but they get assistance from television channels beaming live coverage of operations against them.

Its like the law enforcement agencies are fighting two enemies at the same time.

Case in point, the recent operations in Mumbai to weed out those rotten scoundrels responsible for bringing India to a standstill for the past few days. As NSG commandos were dropping onto the roof of the building, their images were being telecast live.

How in earth are they going to surprise any terrorists if they can see what is going on outside on CNN-IBN? How about deferring telecasting the footage by maybe half an hour?

…Shankar says anchors play a critical role in maintaining balance in the midst of live coverage. “Unfortunately, many channels have people of poor intellectual calibre and maturity as anchors. And this is across English and Hindi news channels,” he said. “We also need to find more dignified ways of approaching victims who’ve just emerged from a traumatic experience rather than thrusting mikes in their faces as if they have just come out of a matinee show.”[link]

You see survivors coming outside the hotels, and a dozen cameramen surround them.  A person coming out from a horrific ordeal in a state of trauma deserves some courtesy/water/space/respect, not twenty howling journos asking how he felt.

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, News, Thoughts , attack, Bad Journalism, cnn-ibn, deccan mujahideen, India, indian media, maharashtra, mumbai, mumbai terrorist attacks, Terrorism, war on terror

The Last Straw

They carried out bomb blasts in Mumbai. We rebounded and rebuilt the city. They attacked our parliament, and we stopped juust short of eliminating our neighbor state. They carried out bomb blasts in Delhi, and we kept going on.

Today they crossed the line. We have had enough.

Our hearts go out to the families of those killed in the latest attack on India. This sudden turn of events is unbearable, unfortunate, undesired, unnecessary, and completely uncalled for.

When the US was attacked in 2001, they went to war with Afghanistan. How is India going to react? Our prime minister has already condemned the attacks. Does he have the balls to do anything more?

The proverbial long arm of the law apparently isn’t long enough. We are being attacked at will, and the intensity of the attacks and the damage keeps increasing.

Somebody needs to start taking their job more seriously.

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, India, News, Thoughts , deccan mujahideen, isi, Kashmir, maharashtra, mumbai, mumbai terrorist attacks, Pakistan, simi, Terrorism, war on terror

James Ellroy once said “Anybody who doesn’t know that politics is crime has got a few screws loose.”

The dichotomy between crime and politics has been often talked about. Once you are a big enough politician/criminal, the lines start diminishing. Nothing you do is wrong. You can kill ten thousand people and nothing will happen to you.

Heck, you can attack the parliament, and nothing can happen to you. Ask Afzal.

After intense and immense analysis, here’s relative career graphs for politicians vs criminals. Those of you contemplating either of these professions might notice that there is no distinction between the two beyond a certain point.

All roads lead to, well, power public service.

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Filed under: Desi, India, Thoughts , afzal, Crime, Desi, India, parliament, policitians are criminals, politics, politics and crime go hand in hand

Basmati’s Got Company

Readers might rewind their brains to many years ago, when there was this huge outcry about an American company acquiring patent rights over Basmati rice.

Yes, the very same Basmati rice that we Indians have been cultivating for, for, forever.  How dare they? Basmati is India, spelt in seven letters.

Well, they were told to stick it, and after a big campaign, most of the patents were revoked. More importantly, Ricetec lost the right to claim the Basmati brand.

Trust American ingenuity to come up with alternatives.

Presenting, for our very own readers, for the first time, here’s Basmati’s American cousins.

Big brothers Kasmati and Texmati.

Kasmati is Indian Style Basmati. Texmati is Long Grain American Basmati

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, India, Pictures, SeenAndHeard , basmati rice, biopiracy, cool stuf, India, jasmati, kasmati, Newyork, rice, rice patent, ricetec, seen and heard, textmati

Turn of the Tide

They say a picture is worth a million words.

This one was discovered in a discount household store in Newyork.

So far we had only seen Indian stores selling stuff with prices printed in rupees. A non desi store selling Tide detergent for Rs 23 was, let’s just say, exciting.

(Just to clarify, these prices might be printed in rupees, but the beauty is that you pay in dollars, and the dollar price has no relation to the conversion rate)

God bless whoever thought up camera phones!

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, Pictures , Cool stuff, Newyork, Pictures, piracy, tide

Kahani Reality TV Ki

V is getting boring. Who really cares about Ekkta KKappoorr and her shitshow? Reality TV is the new Soap Opera.

Here’s a list of shows that we would love to watch on our Idiotbox.

Return of the Desi

This show documents the returning to India of a Wall street couple fresh from a layoff. Their innumerable sacrifices are the selling point of the show. Their coming to terms with the poverty, the various stenches, lack of power, abundance of crime, lack of water, lack of manners, and the all-encompassing corruption would bring tears of introspective joy to every self respecting Indian’s eyes.

Eventually they would give up the fake pretences, bribe their neighborhood district magistrate and open up a successful call center business.

Chal Meri Gaadi

This show goes inside the lives of four blue line drivers. We get to be part of their daily struggles on Delhi roads (daily on Delhi, see what i did there!?) dealing with unruly passengers, cops always asking for more, lazy helpers, and more importantly, people not getting out of the way quickly enough.

Chal Meri Gaadi would be one fabulous chance for redemption for Blue line drivers. Needless to add, the TRPs will be sky high.

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Filed under: Desi, Humour, India, Stories, Thoughts , Desi, funny, humor, India, Masti, reality tv, television

Obama Wins

Today is a historic day for America. The country just elected it’s first Black president after 43 White ones.

The US has come of age.

Leave alone the glass ceiling, the steel door has been blasted open.

Makes me think of India. When will we Indians rise through petty barriers to appoint leaders based on merit and not their race, religion, or gender?

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, News, Thoughts , barack obama, democracy, India, us elections, us president

Great Wall Of Terror

t all started when some not so creditable people were allowed to take loans to buy them homes.  Down the line, some of them started defaulting on their mortgages. Suddenly banks were competing with each other in writing off billions of dollars of assets. Bear sterns went down. Lehman Brothers went down.  AIG went down. Washington Mutual went down. Wachovia is lined up. Overall some sixteen banks in the US have shut down this year.

Wall street has laid off over a hundred thousand people so far this year, and there’s no end in sight.

For those who didn’t know, Indian faces abound across all levels and departments on Wall Street. There’s a Vikram Pandit heading Citi. Finding an Indian MD at a Wall street firm is as hard as watching TV for a few hours without hearing about Raj Thackeray. There are Indian traders, Indian bankers, Indian techies (lots of them). Heck, Wall street loves Indian food.

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, News, Thoughts , AIG, bear sterns, depression, des, economic downturn, financial industry, India, investment bank, layoffs, lehman brothers, subprime crisis, unemployment, Wall Street

Happy Diwali

So yeah…i have been thinking about doing this for a long time. About Time.

Diwali would be an auspicious enough occasion to get back to writing. So, Happy Diwali  dearest readers, and i am back.

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Filed under: Desi, Thoughts , Amreekandesi, comeback, Desi, diwali, happy diwali, India

Fear

Fear seems to be the underlying theme of our lives these days.

Parents fear their kids not being smart enough to make it to the good colleges. Worse, they fear their kids being too smart to care for them. Teachers fear students filing FIRs if spoken rudely to. Kids fear getting paralyzed because a reality show host talked rudely to them.

They grow old and then they start fearing bad relationships. Or jilted lovers trying to throw acid on their face, or just kill them. Not being rich enough.

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, India, Thoughts , acid attacks, Desi, fear, India, mind, nuclear deal, pfizer, society

The Pope Rikshaw

India finally made itself known to Pope Benedict.

Italian automaker Piaggio presented a Pope-d version of the ubiquitous Indian autorikshaw to the Pope in the Vatican recently.

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Filed under: Desi, Happenings, India, News , autorikshaw, Desi, India, pope, rikshaw